They're ALL gay!!

When Shannon and I first watched the movies way back when, I turned to her when it was over and asked what she thought. Her response, "THEY'RE ALL GAY!!!". Still makes me laugh when I think about it. And it was the best part of the movie.

Quickview: The movie wants to be Romeo and Juliet but with fangs. Fun idea, bad execution (this could also be said of Underworld, by the way). When you get down to it, it is a story about a guy who gets his kicks by sucking on dudes and chicks but feels immoral about it, so he gets too friendly with animals and donated bags of crimson goodness. His love interest is a chick who is too stuck up to be around normal folk and tries too hard at the whole loner shtick to actually be likable. There is also a random Indian werewolf boy and an Asian friend thrown in to reach more demographics (and the only remotely okay part of the movie, aside from the girl’s Sheriff father’s mustache, which is his homage to the fables Sam Elliot “stache).

I did not think I would like the movie the first time I watched it. I was right. I knew I would not like it the second time. Guess what, I was right. Guess I need to be a chick between the ages of 11-17 to get it. Or gay. Or Steven. But I am okay not liking it, thank you.

Overall: 1.5 out of 5 Men at a Rest Stop After Dark
Direction: 1 out of 5 Man at a Rest Stop After Dark
Screenplay: 1 out of 5 Man at a Rest Stop After Dark
Acting: 2.5 out of 5 Men at a Rest Stop After Dark



Breakdown

Direction: Some of the visuals in the movie were actually very lovely. I think the director (or at least the cinematographer since I am lumping that in with “direction”) has a keen eye for the pretty. Unfortunately, they let a bad movie get in the way. I have heard some about the ideas she had from Ryan’s posts and on the net about putting wings behind Edward and all that and want to laugh. People trying to be deep and failing make me laugh. Like Canadians, or teen poets. Or women.

Screenplay: I am sitting here trying to be delicate and have a more constructive non-aggressive response but am coming up short. Suffice it to say, a cracked out circus monkey with a cigar and a type writer may have pumped out more realistic dialogue. Maybe it was because they were trying to pull from the source material too much. And the book was awful. One line that stuck with me is “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb” or something awful like that. I knew the book was bad, but when I first saw the movie thought that there might be a chance that the movie could be better as Hollywood has a tendcy to steal a name and concept but venture off on their own when making a movie based on the book. And the plot could make for an okay movie. And my favorite film critic, Max liked the movie. But I wrong and was very dissapointed in the weak writing and impossible dialouge. Subsequently, Max is no longer my favorite critic, Mickey/Daniel are.

Acting: Okay, this is going to sound out there; but I thought the actors were actually okay. I like Kristen Stewart and Robert whatever his name is. I thought they played their roles as well as anyone considering what they were handed. Actually that is not true. If I cast the movie, I would have Jeff Goldbloom as Bella, Sam Jackson as Edward, and closeups of Sam Elliot’s ‘Stache as the Indian boy. That would be enjoyable. But I digress. Back to the acting: I have seen movies with Kristen where she is good. She is an acquired taste but good (much like Jeff Goldbloom actually!) at what she does. I think Robert is the new Leo Dicapi. Young. Hot. Pale. Crazy hair. Glitters in the sun. Give him a few years and he will do great movies and be great in them. Hell, I like him in Harry Potter before I knew who he was. The only reason the acting did not receive higher marks was due to the hair. Makes me think: Hey, if Cameron Diaz used what she did in Something About Mary to make just a small part of her hair to stay up, how much Ben Stiller juice was in Robert’s hair?

I actually liked the Indian boy the most out of everyone in this movie. Thought he was dorky and likable, but have since then seen him in other things and now hate him. But as far as his acting chops in Twilight, like the other two, he did the best he could with what they gave him.

Overall: I did not like the movie. I would not in good conscious recommend it to anyone, not even gay people, Canadians, or people I know who liked the book. I gave it Overall 1.5 Men at a Rest Stop After Dark as that was the gayest rating I could think of.

P.S. However, this did make me smile: