Twinkle Twinkle little Vampire or a Commentary on Cashing In

When Kyle invited me to review movies, this was the last movie I thought I would have to watch. When the first book was a big hit, I made an attempt to read it to see if it was any good, Harry Potter had a similar buzz years before and turned out to be something really pretty good. The same couldn’t be said for Twilight. I remember reading a line early on, something like “Neither of us were what you would call verbose,” which was strike one, I’m pretty sure I got to strike three before the fiftieth page.

My simple review for this film boils down to this: It’s not good at all! Surprisingly I found a way to enjoy it more than I did the other selection for this month, and it’s all thanks to the commentary track on the dvd. I first attempted to watch it as intended, but kept thinking that a made for TV Lifetime version would probably have been more entertaining, and not just because it would have commercials. So after finishing roughly half of the movie, I started it over with the commentary on, and to my surprise, I found it somewhat enjoyable.

Nosferatu Sucks...

...and not just blood. On multiple occasions I had attempted to watch this film for its reputation, and on every one of those occasions, I had the pleasure of a taking a 45 minute nap 15 to 20 minutes into the start of the movie. For this review, I was able to stay awake...I wish I hadn’t. At least when I slept through the film, there was always the possibility that my Art of Film professor from a few years ago and all the raving reviews from critics and film buffs were right in calling this thing a masterpiece. Now that I’ve seen it in its entirety, I know that’s not the case. I know they were just caving to the de facto standard when rating historical films, i.e. overrating; unfortunately, this vampyr has no clothes.
I generally like classic movies, including several silent films, Metropolis comes to mind instantly, but this is just bad. The acting is bad; Hutter’s character is more Bozo the Clown than charming fop, and unfortunately he gets the most screen time. The adaptation is bad; except for the addition of intertwining the plague’s presence with the vampire’s, all the changes made from Stoker’s novel were to the detriment of the film. For the most part, even the mise-en-scène is bad. The one worthwhile scene is the shadow hand of the titular monster creeping up from between poor Ellen’s legs and grasping her heart. Too bad the rest of the film survived after it had been ordered to be destroyed as part of the copyright infringement lawsuit against our visionary filmmakers. Even the segments that were supposed to add elements of the supernatural, the tilting, the dropped frame rate, the use of negatives, were used inconsistently and were overall ineffectual.